'Juliet' - Character Transfer

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Re: 'Juliet' - Character Transfer

Post by FlameCow on Sun Jun 28, 2015 4:25 am

-snip-


Last edited by FlameCow on Sun Jul 01, 2018 3:12 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: 'Juliet' - Character Transfer

Post by Painful History on Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:20 am

But... Those elements are there for that, to add flourish... If you don't like a writing style with detail and flourish then you won't like that story, but I have others that have more and less of that. I write with a lot of detail in mind, it was something I picked up by reading my favorite author, also what unlikely character becomes tough? Her? She's even worse than before now, she didn't really become all that tough, she just tried to pass it on as such at the end, which worsened her condition a lot. She isn't bothered and doesn't beat herself for killing people, but she certainly is still a nervous wreck when it comes to that, even more than before(check the flaws section).

As for convoluted? Maybe, I can see you point. It does revolve around the same subject for most of it, it twists it's way into the past(don't know if that's what you meant), but I still think it follows a logical progression from point A to point B. The traits are clearly explained, at least most of them, minus the weapon handling and things related to that. She was with the Followers for quite a while, they have a hefty supply of books and knowledge and she helped them in a lot of things while there, which is where she picked up most of her training.

Again, this backstory is fairly old, so it's riddled with flaws as it was my second major project after Fallout Tanya, as for fake detail, that's called flourish. Writers use it in books either so people can create a mental image of what's going on IE. That snippet(which is meant to make you cringe fyi because of the mental imaging) or to add a soft degree of filler that allows the book to run slightly longer or even to simply add some more detail and immersion to the world around. This backstory wasn't written with a 'this is a backstory' mentality to it. This backstory was written with a 'this is a short story, practice for my writing' type of mentality to it. If I wanted just the backstory, honestly, I could make it 2-3 paragraphs and still contain all the vital information that's in those 17 pages.

Plus there is a rock bottom moment. She kills the person who was once her best friend, two of his best friends and nearly overdoses all to drown out what she perceives as 'bothersome' memories that pain her to no end. Little did she know, doing drugs and what she did only made the condition worse in the long run, I think that's a pretty big failure not only as an individual, but in a moral and ethical standpoint.
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Re: 'Juliet' - Character Transfer

Post by FlameCow on Sun Jun 28, 2015 7:32 am

-snip-


Last edited by FlameCow on Sun Jul 01, 2018 3:12 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: 'Juliet' - Character Transfer

Post by Painful History on Sun Jun 28, 2015 7:42 am

Because it was the backstory that I wrote for the character? I'm not going to rebuild it fully from scratch when I have a lot more things going on that require my attention at the moment.

If that's how you see it, that's how you see it, but right now you're giving me one line that was placed there so you could see how it happened in detail. I could've shortened that sentence to "she fired the pistol", but then again, it's only a few less words than what is there.

Anyway, Snyder can lock this once he finally comes, I've already come to the conclusions I wanted.
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Re: 'Juliet' - Character Transfer

Post by Nasca on Sun Jun 28, 2015 2:18 pm

thank christ that's over with
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Re: 'Juliet' - Character Transfer

Post by The Gunrunner on Mon Jun 29, 2015 3:24 am

Going to respond now to maybe wrap this up.

Well, yes, she's constantly on edge in her backstory, still, the place she lives in does make people need to live like that. As for the Jet and the Pain. She kept taking it because it dulled her senses for a bit despite provoking pain after, chems helped calming her down despite the fact she'd feel pain after, eventually, she did try quitting when the pain became a bit more abrupt, but at that point it was too late, I should've specified and elaborated on it when I wrote it, I'm not saying the backstory doesn't have its flaws, it does and I might have to partially rewrite certain parts up to my current standards, but the basic outline of it is still there.
Please add the elaborations.

She was never a nice person, by the way, she was always 'bad'. She never really valued human life as she should and she's always been the type of girl that could kill someone to achieve a goal she wants really badly, again, I should've specified that and I didn't in her backstory, I only did it at the end, my bad.

Forcing her to see her parents die was a way to make Hyperthymesia a more relevant flaw, so it plays against the character rather in favor of her and no, they didn't do that, but they are cruel people. If you want to know what happened to them, they were all killed by NCR Soldiers when they were hired to kill a Sharecropper family.

It's part of her background, but I assumed he was mentioning the backstory as background, my bad. She did avoid making friends and people avoided her, in fact she was actually jailed for a day when she snapped at someone pushing a water gun against her back because she thought it was an actual weapon. Needless to say, she's been a lot more careful since then and less snappy, she's always been avoiding people more. She has always avoided crowds and the like, those two people I mentioned were her only two friends. The other 'friend' used her vulnerable state to recruit her into a gang and make her work for them.

He didn't mention rape in Romeo or Juliet, he just thought that Romeo and Juliet was not a tragic story and something more 'edgy' as you so keenly describe would fit the tragic section a lot better and yes, that was actually meant to make you laugh, what came after didn't though.

Rape scene was awful? Probably, it was my first time attempting something like that and I'm not a fan of writing any type of rape scene or even rp'ing one. I thought it was at least acceptable, I guess I was wrong though, still, the man in question was a gambler and a chem user. He was highly unstable mentally and that day had been exceptionally hard on him. He had to take care of a child for 7 years, which he never really asked for and he thought he should take something back, probably could elaborate on it a bit more, once again.
The backstory just needed patching for the sake of sense. I was trying to be helpful at first, for the record.
Anyway, it doesn't matter. The backstory was passable for what my changed version of what you wanted was.
Still waiting for snyder.

Also, yes, the personal attack against him was uncalled for and I apologize for that. I stepped over the boundaries I shouldn't, but the way he was structuring his criticism was getting under my skin.
You're not supposed to apologize to me, History.

I'll specify something here that I'm going to add to the app and should've done so(my bad). She might have the SKILL and KNOWLEDGE to handle a gun, but during tense circumstances... She can't do it. She's just too much of a nervous wreck to be able to hold it properly. If she's shooting an animal that isn't a Deathclaw or an Yao Guai. She's fine. A ghoul? Her aim might tremble a bit, but she can still aim fairly accurate. Another person that IS NOT OBVIOUSLY a Fiend or a Raider? Then oh boy is she going to struggle. As for Fiends and Raiders, it varies.
These details need to be added, man. This situational stuff isn't common, so no one expects it.

As for the rest, she's better than the populace around her age that hasn't received any kind of training, hence better than average. The Sergeant taught her the basics and after that it's been touch and go. She doesn't know any tricks, she doesn't know how to compensate for wind, gravity, sights being screwed up and what not. She can't properly adjust sights on a weapon, merely get them close to acceptable range.
Right. I missed what you said about the NCR sergeant and had only remembered "Again, she's a good shot because she dedicated a small portion of her life to this..."
Anyway, it remains misleading; "...she's better than the populace around her age that hasn't received any kind of training, hence better than average." You don't need to do this. In fact, you shouldn't do this because it's not the system that is in place; 'average' means 'how good are you compared to the general ability' here. It's not 'how good are you compared to others that have similar details to you.' A nine year old with 'proficient' next to 'small arms' says "I'm a marksman." It is not "I'm a marksman compared to other nine year olds," but instead just "I'm a marksman."

I should've honestly specified that the weapon handling only applied to pistols, rifles and automatic weapons with low recoil, things she can handle with her lack of strength.
I'm trying to refrain from typing anything that'll continue arguments for another year... But, dude... add the details. Add everything that makes the perks situational.

As for the weapon thing. Yes, it is for character development and no, I'm not dropping them. She was given them by someone she cared about deeply and it actually helps her calm down at times, she rarely even uses the service rifle because she can't shoot that well with it, despite it being made to be able to be shot by nearly anyone, but she still keeps it around for keepsake.
I'm just not going to talk about this anymore. It's not going anywhere.
Waiting for Snyder.

As for the guy that just posted? His posts came across to me that way, so I decided that I was done with it and would fight fire with fire, a stupid idea, yes, but something I did out of frustration, as many people do. I'm attached to my characters, plenty so, but I can certainly recognize flaws in them as none of them are perfect at all. Still, they're mine and they have plenty of RP behind them, I'm sorry if you think the character has an 'edgy' past, but there are people like this IRL and in Fallout. It doesn't mean that her personality is inherently edgy, she made choices, she shot people to get to a goal, to tie loose ends so she could start completely fresh. Does it eat away at her? No. Did it make her used to killing people? No.
If you're not apologizing to the person you snapped at, then just say "K. Done now." It's shitty of us to accept your apology on his behalf. At least, assuming there is an apology.

Also, how much better are you then me when you reply in the same manner to me that I replied to him? See? We can both play the same game, don't call people 'kids' when they act out of frustration, you don't really know who's behind the keyboard and how his real-life might have influenced him to reply in a way he shouldn't, you know.
Taking this one to pm.
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Re: 'Juliet' - Character Transfer

Post by Captain Snyder on Wed Jul 01, 2015 8:07 pm

Not going to make a comment on the application yet, but I'd like to see this character nerfed a bit. Lotta Perks, not so many quirks. For a 24 year old, you know a lot. Maybe too much
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Re: 'Juliet' - Character Transfer

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