Dog's Desert Ranger Application/Transfer/Revival

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Dog's Desert Ranger Application/Transfer/Revival - Page 3 Empty Snyder's Extended Review, part one

Post by Captain Snyder on Fri Jun 26, 2015 5:59 pm

This means this is a comment made by me!

The Application Itself:
Username: Dusk  Confirmed

Steam ID: STEAM_0:1:41165551 Confirmed

Steam Profile: It's correct, but I actually would've preferred rather than the one you provided me, personal preference but it's okay.

Time on server:  Since Classic KWG. Ah, back in the good ol' days... How many skull stabs? Nine? Fun times.

Is this a character application, or transfer: Transfer, I guess? Transfer isn't required, it's optional, you could've just said it was just an app, not transfer.

If transfer, what previous roleplay has occurred(Gist of it): Uhh..  Didn't get much use, pretty much just talked to a bird-man about life and death, got stalked by some brotherhood members, socialized with some people.  Server died in like a week or two, so there wasn't much time to really develop. Sad but true.

What OOC items are you requesting? pet flags, maybe.  If we use PAC3, wW flags.  I'll also need a model (or clothing item if we've got those back), the guns and other gear themselves if any exist and placeholders, of course, for those that don't, and then the knife, which I'm almost certain needs a placeholder item for.  I'll hook up with someone if it's authorized, no sweat. Pac3 doesn't require a flag, you can have p flag since you don't need to spawn props, the guns you requested are coded in but I haven't made any clothing items yet. So... Nothing wrong here.

What IC-Only items are you requesting?
- A backpack
- KA-Bar
- .44 Magnum Revolver (With a speed-loader, because gotta go fast)
-Brush Gun
-Standard DR Outfitting.  Duster, type 3 Kevlar vest with ceramic plating, and, of course, the helmet.  Quoth the wiki, "A military-issue armor boasting a desert camouflage pattern from the same manufacturer as the L.A.P.D. riot armors, worn with a matching military helmet with built-in low light optics, a combination IR/white light lamp and gas mask, a green duster and a set of military khaki pants. The owner's data is printed on the collar and includes rank, name, service branch, and blood type, to facilitate easy identification and possibly treatment of wounded or dead soldiers." (Will PM the helmet data if required)

Alright, now it's time to discuss the bane of this application. Lets compare equipment with my Desert Ranger.

Riley has Desert Ranger Armor clothing, which includes: A duster, type-3 Kevlar with ceramic plating, the helmet which has built in low light optics(Which means night vision), IR/White Light Lamp(Flashlight on the right side of the helmet), gas mask, and khaki colored pants.

Dusk has Desert Ranger Armor clothing, which includes: A duster, type-3 Kevlar with ceramic plating, the helmet which has built in low light optics(Which means night vision), IR/White Light Lamp(Flashlight on the right side of the helmet), gas mask, and khaki colored pants.

Riley has a Scoped Hunting Rifle & Police Pistol(Chambered in.357)

Dusk has a Brush Gun(Glorified Trail Carbine) and a .44 Revolver

Riley has an 8 Inch KA-BAR Knife on her left breastplate

Dusk has a KA-BAR Knife

The only difference in equipment that I see we have is that you used a higher caliber pistol, which, regardless of if this app gets accepted/denied, it will HAVE to be removed. So, Riley has more gear than you do.

If we ignored the server's statistics, you're not asking for too much nor too little for a Desert Ranger, you have exactly what a DR would have and nothing more, even so; you lost your side arm entirely so you have less then a norm. DR would have

Roleplay experiences?  Yes, I have experiences with Roleplay.  If you want me to really list servers and such, ye' can just ask.

Why should you have all this?[One paragraph required]  Because it was already authorized previously by you, only a few months ago.  I should have all of this because I want to contribute to Roleplay.  Could be giving jobs, could be taking jobs, could be providing a sense of danger that isn't in the sense of White Knight labor, could be showing the great people of the wastes what a desert ranger does.  Maybe, just maybe, I'll show the people of the wasteland how to tie their shoes.  Who knows.  It's just a suggestion that I have it, as with all applications.

Unfortunately, Desert Rangers are the white knights of the universe. Why?

  1. They fight hostile raiders, super mutants, and Caeser's Legion, all of which are considered the "evil" factions of the fallout universe.
  2. They kill slavers on sight.

Now, that's what's confirmed lore from the Fallout Wiki, it's time to get into theories, now.

The Desert Rangers is referencing Wasteland, which is Fallout's spiritual successor. In Wasteland, you actually play as one of these Desert Rangers, commonly just known as Rangers. Their goal is "helping survivors of the nuclear devastation, rebuild, and to step forward into the future." This means that you're supposed to be helping people you see, if you are capable of doing so. (You wont be ignorantly protective), and you certainly wont be doing any of the rest. But you might have the mindset.

[ThreeTen paragraphs required]Backstory:
   Oscar Leach was born mid-day in Minnesota's burnt-out Rochester Hotel, some time in the 2260's.  With no medical equipment readily available, and with no medically talented individuals around, Oscar's mother, miss Rylee Leach passed away. Que intro theme

At a young age, he began to notice the world around him, more specifically, the turmoil surrounding the Rochester area, with a nearby power plant leaking radiation and the nearby Mayo Clinic attracting raiders and bandits.  You make this sound as if it's known, which, presuming it was, it strikes my curiousity as to why this clinic was here, considering this "rochester" area doesn't mention size, and most clinics are funded by the government like the NCR, but they're not really here. So...?

With a small town forming of scavengers and other wanderers, it seemed clear that the town needed protection, with some of the ex-militants stepping forward to take guard posts and reinforce the lightly-barricaded outer walls of the town.   They han't already stepped forward? Because you used the present tense of stepping; I'm assuming this is a spelling error but I feel as if it's still worth mentioning.
Oscar's own father stepped forward as the head of the guard, though did not expose why Because the plot demands it, I'm presuming? You wrote this in past-tense, unlike the above, so does that mean that's been working as head guard by himself until others decided, "Hey, lets give this guy a hand." Or was he elected? You could probably tell us more about this.

being a man adorning a dark outfit So, just a dark outfit. Like maybe a Tuxedo, is it black? Grey? While I get the mystery you're trying to use, you could atleast have said what it was.

with seemingly no weapons aside from a simple hunting rifle, where some of the more hardened individuals that had come forth for guard duty seemed to all be wearing leather or metallic armors and using assault rifles and what their caps could afford them in sidearms.  When questioned further, he simply shrugged it off, mentioning something about how it's "the man behind the gun" and not the gun in actuality. But he's head of security. Wouldn't he, maybe others, want him to protect himself a bit more, because he sounds important to this place. He's questioned about his gun, which is understandable, but nobody questioned him being without armor?

Years passed before any activity was spotted. I thought the nearby clinic attracted raiders & bandits?

 No one got a good look at exactly who it was when he took a bullet to the head.  Should've worn some armor. But ah, if he did, he might've survived, and you killed him off because the plot demands it.

No time to scream, even, before the raiders on the outside of the town were set upon the walls, clambering over and onto the previously downed guard's post.  This is well written.
   Oscar, loitering at the refurbished Mayo Clinic while his father was on guard duty, was quickly met by the gunfire as they rushed inwards towards the center of the town, took respite in the back rooms of the facility. Wait, so if this is the Rochester Hotel you're father was protecting, does that mean the Mayo Clinic is at the same location? How close was near by, because I thought it'd be like, "Go down there, turn right, follow path, turn left, keep going for some time, turn left again." Not a "Walk down the sidewalk and it's the first door on your right."

After hearing it dim down and checking the front of the store, he noticed a man start to try the door.  To ready for his entrance, Oscar would pick up a multitool knife in the back of the clinic, proceeding to take place by the door until the man came through the door.  After stabbing him in the leg But... Not anywhere more vital, like the head, or chest? Even if you weren't a desert ranger or in training, what tactical advantage do you gain? He can't run away now? It's a dumb, bold move.

and taking a glancing blow from the rifle to the side of the head, with the man readying to blast him down, Oscar reached over and pulled the sidearm from the raider's side-holster, taking a bullet to the chest Lucky for you, you're in the Mayo clinic. What happened to them? Did they not have any guards? Was it just one doctor or two? What about the patients?

and firing off a few blind shots towards the man as he fell back towards the doorway from the wound.  With one of the blows catching him in the shoulder, another in the neck, the latter bringing the man to his knees as the fourteen-year-old staggered offSo you stabbed him, got headbutted, then he was able to move his entire rifle to aim at you while you were grabbing is gun? You were far enough to have your chest aimed at, but yet you could still reach the pistol?,

dropping the pistolThis can't possibly come in handy against the other raiders here.

and clutching at the bullet wound. Clutching only? No screaming? You're fourteen and you're just clutching the wound? C'mon now, Dusk, when I was fourteen I teared up when I stubbed my toe on the wall.
Moving out of the building, he would have been blinded, a bright white smoke sprouting, followed by a loud crack, as the raiders no matter where they're facing would become momentarily stunned, as tiny *Tink* noises were heard, hitting the jugulars of the raiders at a semi-fast pace (one round every second) Whoever can shoot a man's jugular/neck is a certifiable bad ass. If this man can do this, he makes the Desert Rangers look like an NCR trooper, no man is able to shoot more than two bullets, each per second, and get it perfect, not even a Ranger.

taking out the assault rifle wielding members first, until all but one are shot, the other one not being shot as a Uniformed Ranger would approach, holstering his .223 and drawing an east coast variant of combat shotgun  Why didn't he use the shotgun first...?

loaded with slug rounds, and likely take his gear and force him to go back to whatever raider camp he was in to inform them to stop being such pricks and doing raiderous shit. What...? He spared one and told them to stop being pricks and being raiders? And the raider didn't do anything? What happened after that?
While cleaning up and giving a light search to the dead bodies for any specifically branded items or noteworthy things, the ranger would notice the injured kid laying on the ruined sidewalk, This ranger is an asshole, it clearly heard a gunshot going off, if he thought you were dead then he'd have probably shot you too along with the rest, because the white smoke would've made you hard to identify, and bandits don't exactly wear uniforms.

presumably gone into shock, and pick Oscar up, taking him back to his house and patching him up.Forget the Mayo clinic that was found, I just have to bring this uncoincious, possibly dying fourteen year old boy into my house...  

After fully recuperating and waking up in the ranger's home, he was asked a few questions about the incident, stating that it was probably due to rumors that the Rochester Mayo Clinic held supplies of drugs and antibiotics He didn't figure this out from somebody else at the Mayo Clinic? Was everybody in the Mayo Clinic dead, or what?

most of which were ruined by the bombs, the rest looted or expiring and being discarded before the town's refurbishing.  Going briefly over formalities, the man revealing himself to be named Bill and Oscar telling his own name, before asking about the townsfolk, namely his Father.  Plainly telling Oscar that his dad was dead, with Bill giving(Given) the full truth, he was broken with no family on the earth anymore and still injured from the bullet taken back at Rochester.  Deciding it best to be left alone and rest for a bit while contemplating how things went (Keep reading, I swear it's not edgy.) That's actually not edgy, because you don't have any friends. What is edgy, is that you don't have any friends to go back to. You must've been a quiet person, anti-social perhaps? Maybe you were hated, that's why they didn't tell Bill about the Mayo Clinic. Maybe it is a good idea to not go back.
 After several days of chatting with Bill and eventually asking about the remaining raiders left alone and whether or not they could or should be targeted, he surprisingly was met with positivity of the idea. Is this the sole reason why bill left the bandit alive? If he was so easily ready to target the raiders, that makes me think, was he bluffing the ammo in his shotgun? Was he actually out, and just scared the last one off? If he did, that's stupid, he could've let the smoke settle and keep his gun aimed on the last one to scare him.

After resting for a few more days until being fully healed and ready for such an adventure, he received a makeshift set of leather armor and an assault rifle. You didn't use the hunting rifle your father had? You didn't want to go back, and bury your father? To anybody reading this, you should know that me and dusk are great friends, but... These characters make me want to yell, "WHAT AN ASSHOLE!"

Shortly after a small plan was made, the two snuck into the camp after a bit of scouting and proceeded to eliminate them, with all of the kills to Bill, Oscar only providing "suppressive fire" in the sense that he had only ever used a gun once at point-blank many days prior. Y'know, this sounds like something you should use in your RP examples that you didn't do, but, you might not've been informed the app format has been updated.

Bill, being impressed with the bravery from Oscar to go against an entire camp of raiders and using an assault rifle with no prior information, not mentioning it once, along with lacking a father would bring him to the decision that would direct the course of Oscar's life: to train him. I would make a comment about this, but I don't know what happened at this camp besides that you were doing suppressive fire...
Training would start with the simple basics: How to survive in the wastes.   Things such as finding water, testing water to make sure its pure enough to drink, and how to cook animals.  Survival training would also include small injections of various poisons to make his body more resistant to them, so that a radscorpion sting can be shrugged off.You would have to be injected daily of the EXACT poison you wanted an immunity to for weeks, maybe months just to get your body to be capable of resisting it easier, and even then, that could definately do some permnant damage... Most rangers just grab a glass of juice and suck it up.

The process would be "like medicine", however, as explained by Bill, instead of it healing your body it hurts your body a tiny bit so it can build antibodies to fight against the poison and make you VERY resistant or outright immune to it, however, only working against animals that don't solely focus on poison, but do use it. This immunity would go away after a few years of not continuing this 'treatment'. Slowly, though, very slowly... 

Once having been taught the basics of survival, Oscar would start to get taught about medicines, specifically herbal remedies, Bill commenting that "if the legion/tribals knows it, the Desert Rangers likely know it too."   Then Oscar would learn about poisons, such as Cazador poison, and how to create a weapon that can take acidic items such as a non-corrosive material like bronze or copper, for example, pouring stomach acid over it, mild enough to not melt it outright, and not exactly as corrodible as iron or steel. Generally coating your weapon with another material weakens the blade itself; then adding stomach acid wouldn't make it less corrodible at all, it would just be a very weak acid that doesn't do much.
   Afterwards, Oscar would be taught CQC, which would "probably be the hardest part" for him to learn, Bill would probably take a few pages from how other rangers like himself were trained and would start a sparring ring betting, where he would find random contenders to fight Oscar to unconsciousness, and would get people to bet so that during the training, not only would Oscar get some experience, but Bill would get some money. I will admit, that's very creative thinking for training. But still, what an asshole

After that, Bill would begin to pit Oscar against CQC animals to the death, starting with dogs, but before Bill sets him against a live dog, he teaches Oscar a special move he was taught, to stop a dog. It consists of cramming your arm down the dog's throat and using your other hand to cover its nostrils, it will stop trying to bite, and will begin to suffocate, as it tries to get your arm out, if you keep this up for long enough the dog will suffocate and die.  I don't think your arm is small enough to fit into a dog's mouth when you turn into an adult... I might be wrong here, but...

Of course, Bill explained, he would still have a bite wound on his arm and it will need to be treated, however Oscar's survival training already covered that so there is little to worry about. Wouldn't it be easier to teach him how to snap the dog's neck instead?

After Oscar learned his way around murdering dogs, Bill would pit him against ghouls in unarmed combat, knowing his experience with the finesse of humans and the ferocity of dogs will aid him with fighting ghouls.  Dogs and humans have very distinct fighting styles, a Ghoul might take some from Human, but it's based off of instinct, not dog-like combat... Maybe it'll show you a little, but, not much.

Once Oscar learned how to fight ghouls, Bill decided to give Oscar a test of sorts, while Oscar was sleeping, he slipped into a yao guai costume of sorts (it was a taxidermied yao guai with a bunch of fluff inside of it) and wake up Oscar by kindly rubbing his paw over his face to see how he'd react I know for a fact that Bill isn't this type of person, but that just had a rape feel all over it.

which was by rolling to the right away from the "yao guai" and keeping his eyes on it at all times.  Bill would at this point remove his yao guai head, telling him that it was a test of his fight or flight response, and is glad that he picked correctly, only a fool or a man with nothing to live for would attempt to attack a 1 ton yao guai with no weapons. Actually, a Desert Ranger would be insane for not attacking the Yao Guai, because you can kill a bear with fists, it's not easy, but it's not impossible. I'm suprised Oscar doesn't sleep with a gun in his hand, or in arm's reach.

As a reward for his properly attuned fight or flight response, Bill resumes his training, moving on to teaching him how to fight multiple people at once, to do this, he decided the best method was to send him against a pack of 6 regular gecko hunters that were de-clawed and de-teethed, if he was sent to the ground by the pack he had failed, and he kept giving him this test until he succeeded.  Again, Creative for sure. It's certainly strikes my curiousity how Bill managed to declaw and deteeth the creatures.

   For the first attempt, he would try to gouge the eyes of the geckos out, and in the time it takes to affect one gecko, the others would bring Oscar to the ground. Gouging out a creature's eye takes more than just a second, if he was in range by then for you to do that, the others would've thrown you to the ground.

 For the second attempt, Oscar would try to use surrounding sand to blind a few geckos and kick the rest back, dealing with the non-stunned before moving on to those unable to fight back, though only stunning 3, leaving himself open and proceeding to be tackled. For the third attempt, he would firmly place his heel behind himself in a linear fashion, reaching out quickly as the first gecko moves up, grabbing it's neck and snapping it as the others draw near, smacking one out of the way  The fact you bitched slapped a gecko... *sigh*

and when pushed against his heel, throwing the gecko down at the rest, before kicking sand up as in attempt 2, getting three of the four and using the fourth as with the first, beating down the rest of the hunters with it's body.  From there Bill would then pit Oscar against geckos with teeth, however he knows for a fact it will change nothing over the prior duel and he'd win effortlessly like before.  From here Bill would decide to mix and match things as he would pit Oscar against multiple humans with dogs, giving him SPECIFIC directions to take care of them all NON-LETHALLY, which would be heeded with great care.   This combat scene is clunky and confusing and overall needs to be re-written from scratch. The whole thing, not just the single paragraph above

   For the first attempt, Oscar would kick sand like crazy towards the dogs until they neared enough that the humans could start to come at him, at which point the dogs would not be phased, instead leaping and tackling him  to the ground early, causing him to hit one mid-air, but be sent back due to lack of proper footing, and tackled.  For the second attempt, Oscar would move his back heel behind him linearly, sending a foot into the first dog's snout You're stumbling back, dogs are pretty fast, you reered your leg back and kicked it in time?

stunning it, moving on to the next dog and repeating the process until the humans got close Laziest. Writing. Ever. I'm a bit disappointed, Dusk.

Oscar would move back, retrieving sand from the ground and throwing it as soon as it would be a guaranteed hit on at least 2 of them Are these humans like, on drugs or something? How come none of them tried closing their eyes, or protecting them in any way shape or form? What if one of them had goggles? You rely on pocket sand too much.

moving back away from the swings of those blinded, trying to kick the closer person towards the one behind them, or get them near each other, hitting the man in the solar plexus, resulting in him passing out, repeating this kick on the other blinded man, narrowing the fight to a 1v1, though the last fighter would run away, seeing as it was a 1v6 with clearly unfair odds, and Oscar, the minority, won.  Clunky fight and you didn't take any damage... Okay!

   For Oscar's final unarmed test, Bill decides to really test Oscar's potential, and pits him against a yao guai WITHOUT claws nor teeth, telling Oscar that he has full permission to kill it and it has full permission to kill Oscar. Yao Gaui's need permission to kill...? 

As soon as the battle began, the yao guai would roar, and start running towards Oscar in an attempt to crush him against the barrier, resulting in him leaping to the right as it charges, causing the guai to stand on it's hind legs and attempt to stomp on him, Oscar rolling away before it can, and getting a moment of brief reaction before it turns to get some distance between himself and the beast, getting caught in the back of the head with a paw as it moved closer, turning and quickly moving his footing into proper alignment and sending a foot into it's snout, momentarily stunning it, and then repeating the attack until the Yao Guai would attempt to bite him on the sixth try, getting his leg caught, making him punch it in the nose several times, before crushing the Guai's eye sockets and causing it to simply force itself upon Oscar, using it's girth in an attempt to crush him.  Oscar would kick off with the foot not in the Yao Guai's mouth whilst prying the mouth open with his hands, freeing himself and sending himself back as the Yao Guai falls.  Oscar would get up quickly as the Yao Guai would be doing the same, albeit much slower, due to having a messed up sense of smell and sight, moving to it's side and proceeding to unleash a flurry of attacks aimed at it's underbelly, dodging a paw batting at him from the beast, quickly leaping out of the way as the Yao Guai attempts to charge him into the wall, instead hitting the wall itself and developing a concussion, causing Oscar to begin to hit it in the head several times, the yao guai having had its brain hemorrhage by now, and dying moments later.  

Skipped this paragraph because it's just... dumb.
  After Oscar's foot healed up from that confrontation, he was awarded a desert ranger duster, however none of the gear to fit with it, and was given a dagger, 6 inches in length, and chrome, oddly familiar to Bill Conor's knife, before being taught sharpening, cleaning, and polishing the knife, before the "fun part".  Bill would start by sending Oscar against a single gecko hunter, teeth and claws included.  Oscar would use sand, as the same in the unarmed-training against geckos, before simply hitting it in the head with the hilt of the dagger.  Next would be a single FIRE gecko, though the same trick as used on the Gecko Hunter would work, sand to it's eyes, then circling around and stabbing it in the head.  Bill decides, for the sake of comical relief, to send a pack of 6 german shepherds against Oscar, all of which with a pink bow on their tail, their mission being to kill him.  Oscar would take his footing linearly, and, like the legion mongrels, kick each dog in the snout as they near, stabbing those that evade the kicks.

Fire gecko not using fire. That's a sin.

   Bill would take note of Oscar's rather quick progress and decides to throw a curve ball at him, a protectron.  He would run around the protection and come close, stabbing it in the optics and sending it into a frenzy.  But you weren't shot before this? Or was the protectron unarmed? Even though bill gets pissed at himself for realising how easy it was, he should've expected it to be.

Bill would watch this, mad at himself that he threw such an easy challenge, decided it may be best to give Oscar a REAL test, so, with hesitation, he decides to give him his trial to mastering the CQC portion, as he unlocks the whole cage of fire geckos, containing 6 fire geckos.  The geckos would get as far as Oscar stabbing the first one before realizing that he was using a human shield, attempting to pounce on Oscar while spewing fire. Where are the four others in all this?

 Oscar would, using the first gecko as a human shield, use the knife as if it were a sword, cutting the geckos as they pounced, trying to use the inertia that they had to impale them.  One would get impaled, leaving four more as they would attempt to circle him from all directions and pounce him, leaving Oscar to then try to pull the knife out, simultaneously using the human shield-gecko to bunt them out of the way, as with the first CQC adventure with geckos, just like a flail.  One would be knocked to the side, stunned as the three would attempt to breathe fire on him, causing him to cycle back, the fire singing his duster slightly, at which point Oscar would try to use his knife to stab the first one that pops up (if charging) or throw the fire gecko still in-hand at the first one and then stab it and use the first one again, the chivalric tactic working to finish off almost all of the geckos, leaving one attempting to set Oscar on fire, resulting in him diving towards the side of the gecko and stabbing it in the neck, arising victorious, the only mark of combat being a bloodied blade along with a dusty, singed duster, and first degree burns to the ass. First degree burns are from holding a lighter on yourself for a bit too long, or if you pressed your hand against a cooking pan for a few seconds. These geckos would be giving out second to nearly third degree burns.
   Oscar having passed Bill's trials considers him as to have passed all his CQC trials, and moves on to make him learn gun-play, as Bill would teach him all the types of weapons the DR use.  He would, like the knife training, start off by teaching him how to clean, polish, and maintain the guns used before the "FUN" part.  Bill would start by training Oscar in accuracy against living and non-living targets alike, as well as testing his gun drawing skills.  These weapons used would include just about every form of ballistic weaponry except for mini-guns.  After explaining how to field-strip the weapons and providing demonstrations, as well as getting Oscar comfortable with it, he would begin to get Oscar to do it with more speed than previously.  As a test of his mettle, Bill would make him field-strip and put five guns back together in two minutes, barely making it and being shoved Impossible. / is all i'm going to say.

firearms in tow, in the direction of a far-off horde of cazadors passing by, Bill instructing him of his mission: Kill all of the cazadors.  Sneaking up within range, Oscar would proceed to take stock of the guns, setting up the guns beside himself and taking a Brush Gun from the group, proceeding to target the wings of the cazadors and firing to pierce, taking down three cazadors with every magazine and finishing them off before they could get close enough to do damage. Not gonna comment on this at all because too much information wasn't included such as mentioning how far out these were, etc.
   Passing the test by dispatching each cazador, Bill would move Oscar on to Survival training past the basics from earlier.  Teaching him how to make simple medicines off of herbs growing naturally and which would be edible, making a clear point about which would be poisonous and which would be used to cancel out the poisonous herbs in case of an emergency.  That night, Bill would proceed to strip Oscar of his weaponry and armor, leaving him in an unmarked location with just a note explaining how he had been poisoned the night prior, and how he would have three days to cure the toxin.  Checking himself over for any visible sign of a wound, and finding none.  He would quickly set out to collect a small amount of xander roots, as well as collecting broc flowers in patches, then proceeding to seek out a radscorpion pack, singling out a lone smaller scorpion in the back of the pack, proceeding to grab it by the tail and stomp on it's head until the shell breaks and it dies, ripping off the tail and a small portion of it's broken shell's meat, as well as diluting the poison from the glands from the tail into a flask, crushing up a few of the Xander roots and broc flowers and placing them inside, shaking it and leaving it to set for a while before taking a swig of the bitter drink, and going to rest, a bit more time bought for himself with that concoction.  Setting out the next night, the same three ingredients in tow, he would meander until nightfall, quickening his pace upon spotting a cave's entrance, staying beside it, on a rock.  Staying alert, he would wait until the nighstalker pack had descended from it, lowering down a portion of the Radscorpion's meat as bait.  Upon one of them moving in to eat the meat, Oscar would jump down onto the nightstalker, grabbing it by the head and quickly twisting it before it would have a chance to yelp.  Draining the blood from the nightstalker with his teeth and letting it into the flask of diluted poison and crushed herbs, he would add a few more xander roots and broc flowers to the mix, filling it to the brim and taking a deep gulp of the bitter antidote.  Not bad, creative writing but I wouldn't be able to do a check on if the poison would've been cured or not. Since I don't know what it is...
   After Oscar completed his trials, he would have to make his way back to Bill's house, once he returns Bill would be nowhere to be seen, however there is a table with a cubbard above labeled "FOOD", on the table being a duster, type 4 ceramic plated Kevlar vest, and his 5 guns he chose, as well as the 6 inch dagger.  Oscar would ignore the items on the table for now, instead searching the premise top-to-bottom for Bill, finding him nowhere.  Upon walking to the "FOOD" cubbard, two feet kick out from the cubbard, slamming into Oscar's head and sending him flat on his ass, as Bill exits from it, saying "Final lesson, watch out for traps".  That was hilarious to see Bill send Oscar to his ass, I wont lie.

Bill would then bring his hands up, and says "Now, show me what you learned, CQC's clearly your strong suit" as he places one foot back, and one forward.  Oscar would move back to his feet, placing his feet back into position linearly, saying "But there's no sand here." Even Bill knows that Oscar relies on Sand!

to which Bill would respond, "M'boy, you will fight every person in just about every kind of environment".  Oscar would nod slightly, keeping his eyes on Bill and replying "Start?".  

   "Of course" would be the response, prompting Oscar to begin to move closer, attempting to send a kick into Bill's side, causing Bill to send his elbow into Oscar's shin to elbow block it, attempting to counter with a punch to the solar plexus, causing Oscar to duck and take the punch to the face, Bill taking two steps back.  Oscar would move forward, footing back into place, and attempt to kick Bill in the ankle, Bill moving his front foot back and being driven on his back heel.  Oscar would follow up with another kick, this time aimed at his shin, causing Bill to move back again, bumping into the cubbard, Oscar repeating the kick, landing it but Bill charging forward and attempting to tackle Oscar.  Oscar would, being caught off-guard, attempt to push Bill back, managing to do so.  Bill, regaining his footing, would then receive a side-kick and then proceed to use his destability in an attempt to push Oscar over, saying "You kick too much.", being met with Oscar's reply of "Maybe!" and Oscar attempting to use the momentum from Bill to push him behind himself, however, Bill would let himself be grabbed, attempting to crush Oscar.Could use more detail in crushing Oscar...

 Oscar would move around to the side and bring his left hand up, delivering a quick blow to Bill's head.  Slightly stunned, Bill would slam him against the cubbard, prompting Oscar to bring up a leg and kick Bill back.  Oscar would then rush forward, attempting to hit him in the jaw, but Bill would duck down and attempt to shoulder-charge him to the floor, Oscar grabbing him by the head and attempting to slam him into the cubbard, however Bill would drop his weight in an attempt to force Oscar to the ground before he can get slammed, Oscar doing the same and them both being taken to the ground.  Bill would then attempt to punch him about the face, Oscar grabbing his wrists and trying to go for the headbutt, however, Bill would simply lower his head and grab Oscar by the waist, getting punched in the face but retaining a strong grip, and supplexing Oscar.  Oscar, being stunned, would then roll away and regain his posture and footing, Bill allowing him to do so.  I'm sorry to say but you're getting your ass handed to you.

   Oscar would then move back into proper footing alignment and...wait.  They would have stared long at each other before Bill would suddenly try and charge forward, however juking to the left and trying to send a spin-kick towards Oscar's side.  Oscar would move into position with ducking as Bill would charge, attempting to shoulder-charge him to the ground as Bill had done prior, taking the spin-kick to the side.  Bill would be shoulder charged, as he is hit to the ground he attempts to bend his knees as he is sent to the ground and use the momentum to throw Oscar several feet behind him.  Oscar would be countered and thrown off, hitting the floor and moving back into position with the same footing, now on the opposite side of Bill.  Bill would proceed to move back onto his feet and regain his footing, Oscar allowing him to do so.  Another staring contest would occur, broken with Bill attempting to charge Oscar with a shoulder charge. Oscar would then punch Bill square in the nose, aiming as he nears, using his other hand to grab him by the shoulder and stopping him, Bill being thrown on his ass and starting to fight dirty and send his boot into Oscar's groin.  

   Oscar would be caught by surprise and, not wearing any protection due to still being in his clothing from being left in the desert, stagger back from the blow, stunned.  Bill would then kick at his shins, Oscar moving back and bumping into the wall, quickly fleeing the household through the door.  Bill would then stand, saying "We're not done yet Oscar," Oscar calling from the doorway, turning back "I know." and proceed to walk outside, Bill charging him while his back is turned, Oscar running outside and taking a handful of sand, turning and trying blinding Bill with it.  Bill has sand thrown at him, however he would be hardly phased, years of fighting through pain and relying on his senses has rendered him highly resistant to the sand pocket tactic, and being Oscar made no attempt to dodge he is bear-charged outside and tackled.  Oscar would then go in for the headbutt, not being able to do much else, landing it as Bill releases him and goes in to punch him about the face, Oscar grabbing hold of Bill's wrists and promptly taking a headbutt.  Oscar would tough through it, being stunned slightly, throwing Bill off to the left and rolling away after a difficult struggle, Oscar would then get up after rolling, re-placing his footing and beginning to brace himself again for more combat.  Bill would then rush forward and attempt to shoulder bash him to the ground, being punched in the face and grabbed by the shoulder, his nose bending at a sickening angle, though himself seeming unphased and sending both of the men to the ground.  He would be pushed off, Oscar rolling out and both of them standing up, Bill snapping his nose back into place with a slight yelp and using the distraction to charge Oscar to the ground, being met with Oscar rolling onto him, trying to punch him in the face but missing and side-toppling, following through and rolling away, but being met with Bill uppercutting him.  Oscar would fall back and kick Bill in the shin, Bill gasping and throwing a punch towards Oscar's nose, blood coming out as Oscar tries to return the favor, Bill ducking and hopping forward, sending a flurry towards Oscar's chest, landing two punches before being kicked in the chest, Bill  letting out a heavy wheezing noise, nearly being sent to one knee as he shakily brings his fists up, trying to slam both of his hands into either side of Oscar's head to discombobulate him, landing it as Oscar hops back dizzily, falling on his back, Bill walking over and waiting until he got up.  Upon pushing himself up, the last effects of the previous hit leaving him, he would turn to Bill and ask, Too much combat, no passive. Don't you ever just sit at a campfire and talk?

"You said CQC was my strong suit...Were those skills used well, and was the duel good?"
"Am I unconscious yet?"
"Nope.", continuing, "Do you really wanna have an injured battle now, to see who can land the first punch and knock the other one out with it, though?"
"Do raiders call it quit part way through a fight? Do geckos decide "Fuck this man" and run away part way through a battle just because of a few punches?", continuing,
"Finish this, we're both pretty fucked up anyways"
"Yet...neither of us is a gecko or a raider, and the fight was just finished.  Why add more injury to a friend, when you can save that ferocity for the actual geckos and raiders?"
"Because this is a test, your final one, we have time after all this to mend to our wounds"

"...Fine.", Oscar would reply, pushing Bill lightly.  Oscar would then step forward and take a deep breath in, delivering a quick elbow to Bill's solar plexus, the blow being blocked by Bill bringing his hands up.  He would repeat the attack, being this time met with Bill punching into his elbow, successfully fracturing it.  Oscar would then let out a small cry of pain and moving back, Bill saying "You use that move too much," Using the same moves as a ranger is horrible, you need to use variety.

and repositioning his hands.  Oscar would then reposition his footing, taking in a deep breath, grunting as he brings up his non-injured arm.  Bill would then attempt a high-kick towards Oscar's neck, though Oscar would duck under it, moving in to deliver a blow but being met with Bill's leg wrapping around his neck and bringing him into a choke-hold, sending him to the ground.  Only having one usable arm, he would quickly think and bite into Bill's thigh, screaming out in pain and bringing his leg back, breaking off of the chokehold.  Oscar would then use the surprise to propel himself forward into Bill, hitting him in the side of the head, Bill being sent into a daze and kicking randomly, hitting Oscar in the stomach before he leaps forward again and hits Bill square in the nose, his nose being mildly crooked at this point, himself being stunned.  Both of the men would scramble to their feet, Oscar kicking him in the gut, Bill then charging forward and both of their fists meeting, bloodying them a bit, Bill sending a fist into Oscar's chest to weaken him a bit, Oscar gasping and sending a kick into Bill's lower chest, his eyes watering, done in by continued hits...  Oscar would give a short laugh at the whole ordeal, shortly falling over and succumbing to his wounds, passing out. Atleast you were the one that didn't come victorious; that's good character development, most people would've been like, "I beat him somehow" So props for that.
   Bill would help treat Oscar's wounds, and Oscar would help treat Bill's, shortly after taking a day to celebrate the completion of so many trials over such a long time.  Being geared and walking with a bit of pep, much to the amusement of Bill, Oscar would travel with him for several years hereafter, separating after a long time to walk his own path, hoping the best for the old finely aged man who taught him everything.  During his travels, he would come back to the area of his birth and take a walk around, eventually coming to the outskirts of a strange town and come upon a little girl scavenging outside of it.  Asking her what she would be doing, she would jump back a bit, then continue, saying "Oh, I'm just looking for something I left here awhile ago."  He would crouch down, asking "What would that be, if you don't mind me askin' ?".  

"A small bag of pencils, colored and not."
"Need help?"
"Do you have a house out here?"
"Not here, this is a long-walk from it."
"And your parents just-uh...let you go off alone?"
"Would you mind if me and your papa had a sit down and chatted for a bit, just a friendly conversation?"
"He's not uh... Here. I mean--. He's not Here-Here, in the area."
"Where might he be, then?"
"I uh... I don't know."
"...And where might your mum be, then?"
"...Then...Who takes care of you right now, and can I speak to them?  Or are they...not in the area?"
"Rylee used to, but uh... He kinda just left..." she would hesitate, continuing "Or... She..."
"So no one takes care of you?"
"Well...", continuing, "When Rylee left, I kinda left Anna and Aurelius. So..."
". . . Where do you live?"
"In a town, not a lot of mean people there."
"Where might this town be?"
The girl would stand up.  "It's over there... Can we stop the twenty questions?"  
"Sure...thanks." would be Oscar's reply, moving out towards the area she pointed out...

That's all... Dear god that took far too long.

What are your perks/skills?  Simply put, Conor-Grade Desert Ranger training and many-much wasteland experiences.  If you want, I'll put a wall of text here and for the following questions. Just say Desert Ranging Training...

What are your faults/flaws?  I'd rather PM them.  Take your guesses and call your bets from the backstory if you want, they're probably obvious. You need to PM them next time.

Character traits:  Not sure if that's the same as Faults/Flaws/Perks/Skills, but I'll PM them too, because hurr durr secrecy. Character traits are just general thing like personality, maybe Child at Heart for instance.

(Optional)Character Description: Something like "A man in dusty leather armor with a trench coat and gas mask.".   If I remember the description I used last time, I'll do it. Optional so no comment.

Notes: App was created on 12/13/14, and hasn't been changed other than just to fit the new format.  Also, I changed that 'three paragraphs required' to 'ten paragraphs required' due to the fact that I consulted Snyder before I started, and he said that Desert Rangers, seeming to be overpowered as they are, need a really good story behind being, essentially, a legend.  It probably should also be a note that all interactions with characters (Bill Conor & Unnamed little girl #257) were done with real people for the sake of making a good story.  Oh, and the Rylee Leach & actual Rylee that's an actual character were coincidental.  It was a reference to a different person entirely. Rylee that was mentioned was actually played by Gefahr; the one the little girl spoke about. Just clarifying.
If you have any questions that you REALLY want answered, just drop it below, or add me.  Steam is just as it is above.
All feedback is welcomed.
Hope you enjoyed.

Dear mother of god, this app is huge..

Part one of this reply. Expect part two tomorrow.
Captain Snyder
Captain Snyder

Posts : 604
Join date : 2013-06-09
Age : 20
Location : Somewhere in Texas

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Dog's Desert Ranger Application/Transfer/Revival - Page 3 Empty Re: Dog's Desert Ranger Application/Transfer/Revival

Post by Noahleahy on Sat Jun 27, 2015 12:28 pm

Well he has one empty weapon and one set of armor that can take a couple bullets, and he applied for it.

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Dog's Desert Ranger Application/Transfer/Revival - Page 3 Empty Re: Dog's Desert Ranger Application/Transfer/Revival

Post by Captain Snyder on Wed Jul 01, 2015 8:08 pm

I was going to do a second part review for each comment made.

But in all honesty the application has far too many flaws and should be re-written entirely.

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Join date : 2013-06-09
Age : 20
Location : Somewhere in Texas

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Dog's Desert Ranger Application/Transfer/Revival - Page 3 Empty Re: Dog's Desert Ranger Application/Transfer/Revival

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